Spiders are Dicks

If you've ever had a spider wake you up like I did last night you know what I mean. The little shit was crawling on my nose when I woke up.





I'm a dick!

At about 3 this morning I woke up to the feeling like my nose was being tickled. Usually the cat decides she needs to bother me in the morning so I thought it was just her whiskers. I lifted up my hand to shoo her away and instead I find my hand placed on a spider, which I then pulled off me and flung across the room. Somehow my flailing didn't wake up my husband (thanks by the way for sleeping through my horror).

What kind of asshole insect crawls on your face? It's just rude. I don't purposefully go looking for spiders to crawl on their face with my feet... I'm afraid of spiders so I make my husband introduce them to death for me.

This is Where it Gets Sad

I haven't written anything in a while and there's a good reason for that. I'm not the kind of person that wants to talk about sad things and have people feel sorry for me. I don't like to announce when I'm having a crappy day or when I'm sick. I don't want that kind of attention. So I won't feel bad in the slightest if you skip this post.

My grandpa is dying. It's been difficult. He has cancer that is inoperable. On top of that he has pneumonia and an infection that has spread through his entire body. It will be sad for me to see him go but it's even worse for me to know he is suffering. He is in a large amount of pain and can barely move. It's times like these that make me think about how cruel our own bodies can be. It also makes me think of a quote from the book The Fault in Our Stars.

No matter how much we want it to go away or want to ignore it, pain demands to be felt. There is no escape from the pain he's in and it crushes me in a way I can't explain. To see a man I grew up with and saw as someone so strong (almost immortal) struggling to breathe and put on a respirator doesn't seem real. The pain is inside me and I don't want to feel it, but I don't have a choice.

Getting Philosophical

Warning! Ridiculousness ahead!

I have times that I'm amazed at the miracle that is human existence. I know that it sounds cheesy or that I'm high on something (which I'm not, unless you consider peppermint patties a drug) but when you think about it... that we CAN think about it... gets my brain working almost as hard (that's what she said) as when I think about time travel.

The fact that we have come so far into human evolution that we can talk and write and think and just exist is in itself, pretty amazing. Whenever someone has a baby I think about what had to happen for that baby to exist. People had to meet and have sex hundreds and thousands of years back in order for us to exist today. That's a lot of copulation! And now you can take someone's sperm that you've never met and create a baby that way!

I think sometimes about what had to happen in order for me to exist. My Grandpa (my father's father) died when my dad was a boy. If he hadn't died my dad would never have moved away after high school and met my mom and they wouldn't have been married and had me and my sister (who now has a son). A man had to die so I could come along. It's staggering really. It's part of why I believe everything happens for a reason. Something shitty might happen and we may never know why until years later.

So here's to fate, if you believe in it. And here's to the miracle of human existence!