Resolution Time

It's that time again when people make lists of things they want to do in the next year that they will give up on within a month. I made a list last year and got most of them done, so close enough. I'd like to try again this year with simple-ish (I hope) goals.

1. Watch seasons 1-3 of the original Star Trek on Netflix... because 1960's William Shatner is a hottie.
2. Read 20+ books
3. Lose 10-20 pounds before my High School reunion. Hopefully with the help of the Zombies, Run! app. Because I need motivation to run, and what could be more motivating than being chased by zombies?
4. Finish a story! This was a goal last year that I failed at so I'm putting it in my list again this year.
5. Finish a home project and blog about it.
6. Double my Kiva loans from last year. Hopefully more but that depends on funds.
7. Be anonymously awesome. I did this last year but I put it back on because I want to do it again.
8. Participate in World Book Night. If I'm not selected as a giver I'm hoping I can buy a couple of books on my own and give them away.
9. Make a vlog. Another goal from last year that I actually did. Maybe this time I'll actually share it. Maybe.
10. I don't have a 10th goal that I can think of right now, I just didn't want to leave it at 9.

If you have goals of your own this year, good luck!

Happy New Year!

Truck Delusions

Nathan: When I get a new truck it's going to be a diesel.
Me: You talk about this mythical truck a lot. Is it also going to be magic? It shall have golden rims and music will play when the doors are opened! Oh, holy diesel fueled truck!
Nathan: You sure are full of it today.
Me: I know.

I have days when I'm extra spunky. I like me a little bit more on those days.

Merry Christmas!

Favorite Things: Christmas Movie Edition

One of my favorite things about the Holidays are Christmas movies. Specifically comedies. That's why I love the following movies when the snow starts to fall.

Are you serious Clark? I can't get through the holidays without watching this movie.

My favorite quote from this movie is Clark's rant. Amazing.

If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?

I just love Bill Murray.

It's a Christmas classic. Even though I've seen this movie probably a dozen times, it's still something I look forward to every year.

I love Will Ferrell and Buddy the Elf is one of my favorite characters. His bubbly personality makes him loveable no matter how goofy he is.

Doomsday

Blah blah blah... Some joke about the world not ending.

Can we all just realize the joke has been done (& over done) and move on?

Thanks ever so much-
Humanity

In other news, I saw Lincoln tonight and it was good.

That is all.

Another Goal Done

Actually got one of my goals done for this year.

I made a vlog today! It's really short. And I made it private even though it isn't the worst thing I've ever done. Maybe someday I'll try again, but they take too long to put together. I might spend time writing my blog, but for videos you have to record and edit and then post. Blah. Too much work for this lazy person. Plus I don't like anything about myself in video or picture form.

You want to see a short clip anyway? Oh, I suppose...

Awesome, right?

New Shirt!

My sweet new shirt arrived today! See what happens when you have no life? I get excited about shirts.

It is a great shirt though. I was going through it and picking out what all of the pictures were from. My husband said that if I knew at least half of them I could call myself a geek. Long story short, I can.

That is all.

Dog Sitting & Early Morning Wakeups

I'm watching my parent's dog this weekend while they're on a trip to see family. I never go anywhere so they ask me to watch the dog whenever they want to go anywhere.

I usually don't mind, except in the morning. Because my parent's wake up ridiculously early. The dog is used to that schedule. Hence, I am woken up earlier than I want to so she can be fed and let outside. I kind of remember this from when we had our dog, but she was nice and slept in a little later. I miss my dog, but I don't miss having a dog, if that makes sense.

I need to stop and sniff everything any dog

has peed on ever...

It didn't matter much anyway because the neighbors are at their usual level of loud this morning. I think they are throwing their child at the wall. He yells loudly about something and then it sounds like a 40 pound child is hitting the wall at high speeds. Or he's hitting the wall with one of those giant sledge hammers they have at carnivals to test your strength. Either way I want it to stop.

Cable TV Is Bad For Me

We had cable put in last week, bringing our available channels from 4 to 30+. Having more than 4 channels is great, but there are so many shows that I love watching.

But I don't love watching for a good reason. I have been watching HGTV, which is mainly snobby people looking at expensive houses or remodeling their house and complaining a lot. I like seeing the outcome, but the picky/snobbishness gets on my nerves. Watching people nit-pick their million dollar vacation home makes me shake my fist at them in frustration. If you don't like it that much you can always give it to me!

Now I can watch all my shows I used to have to watch online. It's nice. And I spend too much time with my television. We're dating now. He's a giver.

Help me.

I'm a Jerk Sometimes...

Some friends of ours (my husband & mine) just had a baby today. I saw a picture and thought...

it looks like a baby.

A cute baby, but babies look a lot alike when they're first born. It's basically true. People with babies of their own just think their baby is special or something because it's theirs.

And then he helped some people down the street move today. He's a much better person than I am because I seriously doubt I'd help someone move that I don't really know. So good for him.

But then I ended up doing work on the house on my own because he wasn't here to help me, so... he's nice for helping other people but I'm left on my own so I'm cranky. Also, I had to babysit my niece and nephew so my brother-in-law could get talked in to helping them move. So I was double cranky because I had stuff to do and had to babysit. And then my niece had a disaster in her diaper which made me gag.

My afternoon was not great.

But then I ate ice cream after I got home and set up a cool printer that connects to our wireless so I'm feeling better.

My Favorite Things: November

The Product Farm has these awesome "wine tumblers" (basically wine sippy cups). Actually, they're so awesome that they're currently sold out. I hope they get restocked soon because I need to order one for my sister for Christmas.

Space Janitors is a new web series on Youtube on the Geek and Sundry channel. Just watch it.

My husband found a list of Old English Insults that are hilarious for, you know, when you want to insult someone whilst sounding like a sir. Have fun with this one. I know I will!

The last thing for this month that I've been doing a lot of is playing around on my iphone my sister got me for my birthday because her and my brother-in-law are awesome. I've been downloading and trying new apps almost every day... OK, every day. I can't help it! There are just so many awesome things! I decided to try iTunes U, an educational app. I geeked out when I found out you can follow courses on so many different subjects. Today I started the course "Life in the Universe" from Ohio State. If you're interested in the idea of finding life outside of earth I'd recommend the course. Also, as a bonus, no homework. Learning for free without the torture of homework and fear of bad grades? Count me in!

Some of the courses I want to try out

This Would Put Me In a Chocolate Coma

I saw something in the store yesterday that I was both impressed and disgusted by. Have you ever seen a chocolate bar so big you question why someone would even make something like that? I did!

That's my sister in law. She has a head and legs but I didn't think she'd want

unflattering pictures of her on my blog. Even though she has put plenty of me on Facebook...

I think that if a person actually tried to eat this they wouldn't live very long after. This is a chocolate bar for a large crowd. Maybe a family of 10... and it would take them a while to eat it. If you decide to buy this just be careful! I don't want to see Hershey's being sued for someone going into a coma after eating this.

Random Blog of Randomness

I don't have enough of 1 thing to write about for me to feel like they're worth their own posts, so here's a few randoms that I've seen lately.

For example, I actually left the house to go out with my husband and some of his friends this weekend. At a local drinking establishment (fancy way of saying bar) one of the chairs was coming apart. At least I think it was... I could barely see it with the camouflage tape on it.

And then we went bowling, which is both fun and not fun at the same time. Fun when you're doing well but gutter balls make me feel like I've ruined everything.

The best part of babysitting is playing with toys. And spending time with the kids or whatever.

My nephew's creation is on the left

Easily Amused

That guy I somehow married and I were walking around an unnamed store today when I saw a vacuum called the "Vacmaster." As I have the mind of a 10 year old boy I wanted to deface it. But since I'm a "grown up" I just took a picture of it and doodled over it. Because I'm responsible.

Kids Make Me Tired

I honestly don't know how parents with young kids aren't permanent zombies. 2 full days (8 hours) of watching my 2 year old niece and I'm exhausted.

She's cute... but also slightly evil

It's like she finds any strand of energy I have and grabs it with her little fists of fury and tugs it all out of me. I don't know what I'll do when she no longer gets an hour nap time. I was already thinking today how much I miss her not knowing how to open a door... not that I would have locked her in anywhere, but it would be nice to have her stay in a room for more than 30 seconds.

Watching Dora, SpongeBob and Wonder Pets only grabs her attention for a few seconds at a time. So to you people with kids, if you ever need some coffee or caffeine let me know. I'll leave it for you at your door and run away. Because I'm not watching your kids for you so you can have a break.

This Tree is in a Body Bag

My parents got a new Christmas tree this year so they gave me their old one. I was surprised to see that the tree had died. And we were sad. However, I plan on resurrecting it after Thanksgiving. I will not put it up before then because it would feel like I'm cheating on Thanksgiving with Christmas.

This tree is deceased. Bag it!

Last year I had 2 small trees rather than a large one. Because I was kind of being a scrooge... which is fine. I'm just going to stick with the claim that I was being minimalistic and saving space. I still think my mini-sized nerd tree from last year was the best ever.

Ornaments= Nerdaments

 I should make large size ones for the big tree now! I'm dreaming of a giant nerd tree Christmas....

I also realize it is too soon to be talking about Christmas and trees and stuff, but it's just sitting here and until I find somewhere to put it it's going to continue to sit here and make me think we have a body in our living room. A giant, weirdly shaped, non-smelly body.

Vote!

Today is Election Day in 'Merica.

Save the kittens

This day is important to me because women didn't have the right to vote until 1920 (that's just 92 years ago, kids). I don't want to let down those women who worked so hard so women generations later could let their voices be heard and to have their opinion count. Also, it is our right (and privilege). Today people are being told to go out and vote, but I feel like this needs to be expanded to "vote responsibly."

By this I mean that everyone who casts a vote should have done some research into why they are voting how they are. Are you voting Republican or Democrat simply because that's how your parents vote or because that person supports (or doesn't support) the issues you are most passionate about?

I'm not going to get into my beliefs at the moment or tell who I'm voting for... because it's personal and private. I just get tired of people who go with the crowd (who ever their crowd is) and have no independent thought. So if you're registered and able to vote in this election, please think critically about what choices you make because your vote is important!

That is all.

My Favorite Things: October (Video Games Edition)

I haven't been doing much lately other than play video games. More precisely, since Tuesday morning I've been playing Assassin's Creed III. It's pretty fun, but I'm not sure I can give it a review or anything yet. I'm mostly getting frustrated with trying to be really sneaky and not give myself away to the Red Coats.

BUT I have a couple of other games that I'd consider "favorites."

It's basically a puzzle game that is a lot of fun and the characters (mainly Wheatley) are funny. Fun to play single player or co-op.

I also loved Lego Harry Potter: Years 1-4 & 5-7

I love love LOVE Lego Harry Potter! I've been playing with my nephew and he ALWAYS has a good time with it and it's an easy game for kids to play. Now I just can't wait to play Lego Lord of the Rings!

I'm sure there's a bunch more but since it's Halloween I'm going to go buy and eat a bucket full of candy. Happy Halloween!

I'm Alive... And a Year Older

So I disappeared for a while there... not that anyone noticed. But I feel guilty, OK?

I went to visit my grandpa at the hospital and then I realized that I really don't have anything to write about. And then it was my birthday... and I didn't have anything to write about. Because I have a very exciting life. But my birthday was fun anyway.

I'm slowly getting birthday presents, so until I get them all I'm claiming that each day I get a present it's my birthday. I also have about 20 cupcakes here so I'm going to be eating a lot of cake. Not that that's a problem. Delicious cake is never a problem.

Some of my gifts

That TARDIS bag on the bottom left corner is made out of duct tape. Also, the "I'm Sorry" balloon is a running gag because last year my nephew wanted to get me a balloon for my birthday and he picked out an "I'm sorry" one... so the I'm Sorry balloon made another appearance this year.

I'm also heading out to pick up my copy of Assassin's Creed III tonight because I'm so awesome and have so many things going on for me. I am good at sarcasm.

My cupcakes bring all the boys to the yard

Some People Actually Know This Blog Exists (Much To My Surprise)

I was flabbergasted when I discovered that my blog was linked to in a blog I read regularly. Stories About my Underpants (great name, by the way) mentioned my site at the end of a questionnaire (thanks!) she answered for an award she one. I have nothing to post today so I'm just going to answer the same questions and pretend like I'm being recognized for something too. Because I'm special. People just don't know it yet.

Who is your favorite author, and why?

I have many favorites and can't pick just one. I appreciate the humor of Jenny Lawson and Tina Fey, the horror of Stephen King and John Green's writing style.

What is one book that you would recommend to someone else, and why?

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green because it is beautiful and sad and funny. Also, The Hobbit because it's my favorite book.

Here is also where I plug my book blog.

What is your favorite movie, and why?

I love the movie When Harry Met Sally. I've seen it more than I can count. Also Jaws, Jurassic Park and The Princess Bride are favorites.

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

I would stay where I am because my family is here. But I wouldn't mind a vacation home somewhere warm for the winter.

If you could have dinner with anyone (dead or alive) who would it be, and why?

I'd like to have dinner with Gene Kelly because I would have him show me some of his amazing dance moves.

If today was the last day of your life, how would you choose to spend it?

I'm terrible at these kinds of questions. Can I spend it not knowing it's my last day? It makes anything I would choose to do pretty lame.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

My inability to finish things I start. I say often "I'd like to try that!" So I buy or gather the things I need... and then I don't try that.

What impact do you want to leave on the world?

A non shitty one? If I can at least not make the world worse that's about all I can ask for.

What is one fear that is holding you back?
The fear of plummeting to my doom is keeping me from skydiving. But some fears are good. Like, I'm afraid of venomous snakes but I don't feel like it's holding me back. It's called self-preservation, people.

If someone wrote a book about your life, what would the title be?

"The Girl Who Spent Too Much Time On The Internet and Watching Doctor Who." It would be like "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" except for the parts where people do stuff. So actually not at all.

I Forget How Days Work

No luck finding anything so far for work. I might start going crazy.

If I don't leave the house soon I'll be needing one of these to help my crazies

The problem with being unemployed is that I forget what day it is. Because when you don't have anywhere to go, every day is Saturday. Saturday used to be my favorite day, but when every day is the same day I get Saturday overload.

It's like that movie Groundhog Day, but worse because Bill Murray and groundhogs aren't included. But also better because I don't have to wake up to Sonny and Cher and because I don't know exactly what my day will be like- I appreciate little surprises. Like guessing how many bills or telemarketer calls I'll get that day or seeing how many levels of my video game I can master. Ahhh, this is the life.

For now I suppose I should just enjoy all of the time I get to spend with my husband...

haha, nope.

Tried to type that without laughing and it didn't work.

I'm Thankful: That I'm An Aunt

Honestly, I don't know when I'll be ready to be a Mom... but is anyone? That's why I love being an Aunt. It gives me the chance to know what having kids would be like when I babysit. And then I can send them back home because I'm tired from all of the energy they somehow took from me. I don't know how people do that 24/7. They're way tougher than I am.

They make me want and also not want kids

I love all of them a lot. Enough that I've changed poopy diapers without throwing up and if that's not love, I don't know what is.

Goals

I wrote a list of goals back in January... and I may have forgotten about them. And by "may have forgotten" I mean I did forget. Whoops.

The good news is I still have time to do them before the end of the year. Well, except for the "lose weight and be healthy" thing. I mean, I still could do that too, but I'm lazy and I like unhealthy food.

I try to create good goals for myself but occasionally (OK, usually) I have a hard time with my follow through. I'm a procrastinator... it's in my nature. Obviously I don't have to let it be that way, but... change is hard and stuff.

I'm Thankful: For Breath Mints

Let's face it, we need those little pieces of freshness. Even better is the fact that I found these...

Oh my! This must be for when your breath is at its worst and we pray for minty relief from bad mouth smells.

"Lord, I pray that thou wouldst save my mouth with thy cleansing freshness! Oh, wretched odor, wicked stench! The Lord will smite thee with mint of pepper or spear... hopefully not cinnamon because tis offensive to my taste buds!"

Unemployment Depression Begins

I was laid off my job a week ago. It sucks and I'm having a hard time finding something else. I'm also finding that depression is an easy thing for me to fall into. I've had some issues with depression in the past, but I've been able to pull myself through. Part of that is keeping myself busy. With less distractions, I have more time to think. Too much thinkie thinkie is not good for me.

The good news is, if I can find things to do during the day (and not sleeping in late every day) I should be able to get a lot done around my house. I can finally work on my zombie apocalypse novella! I probably won't anyway... I just have a hard time with that. It's so awful I don't even want to look at it.

Hopefully I can get back to work soon. My husband is also on unemployment right now and being around him this much makes me want to punch him in the face on a daily basis. It gets worse every day. Seriously... just listening to him eat lunch today had my nerves fraying. I can't take much more of this guys.

My sillyness is getting amplified

But he's been on unemployment longer so I think he needs to go back to work first. It's only fair.

Squirrel Underpants

There is a problem I didn't know about. Apparently, naked squirrels are running amok. I realized it was an issue when I saw these...

This is fur reals (get it???)

Why haven't I thought of this before? I guess because they're covered in fur I didn't realize they were naked. So indecent.

I know some people are easily offended, so I want to let them know squirrel underpants are an option. Good luck getting them on, though. Squirrels are pretty frisky.

Also, are boxers an option? I feel like squirrel tighty whities aren't very fashionable.

I'm Thankful: For My Cat

I know it's kind of silly (and slightly weird) but I'm thankful for the cat. She's entertaining and rarely cuddly... I love her for the cuddly part.

She's so cute when she sleeps

There was a point when I didn't want a cat. Probably because of the allergies. Oh yeah, I'm also allergic to her, so that's awesome. And she's a junkie. But I like her anyway I suppose. She also likes to get into places she shouldn't be. Like on the towels in the closet. And on the table. And where ever she wants to go... because she's kind of also a jerk.

I'm mostly thankful for the fact that she's technically my husband's cat so I never have to clean out the litter box. Because that shit's gross. Literally. I refuse.

My Favorite Things: September

Holy crap September is almost over and I forgot to post my "things" this month. Not like anybody cares but whatever. Future me will remember and she can be a bitch.

Favorite thing #1
My book blog! Yes, I'm plugging my own stuff in my blog. Deal. I started it and I'm having my cousin start book blogging on it too. Because I'm busy or something.

Favorite thing #2
The Flog. Felicia Day is so cute, nerdy and hilarious that I love watching her videos.

Felicia at Dragon Con

Favorite thing #3
Home projects. I'm getting more into creative/crafty things and am always looking for cheap but cool stuff to do. Pinterest is great for this, but I also like a blog with creative ideas. Funky Junk Interiors has a lot of cute ideas!

A Letter To People At Walmart

Wamart, it's consumers and I have had issues for a while. I can't go into that place without feeling like I want to punch someone in the face when I leave. I don't go there because I want to. I go there because I absolutely have to.

In other words, Walmart and I don't see each other often. It's like that person you do all you can to avoid seeing. Come on... all of us have one of those people. Can we please just have some rules so we can cope?

1. Don't wear your pajamas or bathing suits. Nobody wants to see that. Also, wear clothes that fit. Actually, just try to dress like a normal person for an hour. It's the least you can do.


Don't let this be you

2. Have some common courtesy. Say "excuse me" if you want to get past someone instead of ramming them with your cart. If you do it should be a penalty and you should have to spend 5 minutes in the penalty box for being a dick.

3. Don't be so obnoxious. Do you need to let your kids scream and run around the store? Do you need to talk so frigging loud and swear even louder? Do you need to talk on your cell phone instead of the person checking out your purchases? No? Then stop. For the love of all that is holy, stop making people more annoyed than they already are. We're angry enough that we had to go in the first place so don't make it worse.

Those are the main things I can think of at the moment. I'm sure on my next trip there I'll think of 50 more. Do you have any to add? Let me know in the comments.

*See People of Walmart for other things you shouldn't do... there's a lot so make sure you take good notes. There will be a test. It will determine if people will be your friend or not. Study hard, people.

I'm Thankful: That I Avoided Terror On My Birthday

Some people in my town have decided that my birthday would be a good time to do a "Zombie Walk." Thankfully, I found out about it ahead of time.

I don't want to see this on my birthday... or any day, really.

If I saw people looking like this coming 

towards me without warning I'd cry

I can't even explain how thankful I am that I found out about this or I would have been found 4 days later holed up in my house waiting for the end. I mean, I have a plan for when zombies attack, but when it comes down to it I'll probably just huddle in a corner in my basement.

So on my birthday this year, I'm taking the day off... I'll also be posting signs everywhere because I'm usually the last to find out about things and I don't want anyone surprised by people walking around like zombies. Because I'm a caring person.

The "I'm Thankful" Project

I'm starting a new thing. Once a week I'll be posting about something I'm thankful for. It will most likely be about something ridiculous, but that's OK!

I feel like it's something I need right now... also, it gives me something to post about. It also works for a Monday post because I've got nothing. Seriously. It's like there are moths flying around in the empty space where my brain should be.

So, the first thing I'm thankful for is...

No, really... THANK YOU

It's delicious and combines chocolate and peanut butter and tastes like a small piece of heaven or heaven-like substance. PLUS you can get it in "To Go" form. MUCH easier to dip my graham crackers into and that's important! Especially when I'm at work... I can't look professional with my hand stuck in a peanut butter jar.

My Car And A Deer Are Dead

I hit a deer this morning... and by "hit" I don't mean punched.

My car hates deer too

I hurt my wrist and I'm a little sore, but other than that... I just want to reanimate the deer so I can kill it again. Is that so much to ask? But I'll just deal with it because it's not worth creating a zombie deer that might spread the disease and cause the apocalypse. Patient Zero: Bambi. Nope, definately not worth it.



Proof

The deer paid for the car with its life. Was it worth it you suicidal deer? I was going to put up a picture of my injury but it's gross looking. So... you're welcome. I'm doing you a favor by holding myself back. Wait a minute! Does this mean I get cake? Surviving a deer catastrophe should at least earn me some cake. I mean, I could have died. I've got an injury and the only prescription is more cake... and pain pills.

I hope it's deer family finds it and dies of a broken heart

______________________________________________________

Updated: The best way to celebrate surviving and deer death is with cake.

Those Tools Were Made For Dolls

And by "tools" I'm not making a sexual reference. Or am I?

No, I'm not. Stop being gross.

I decided that I needed some tools around the house (other than my husband- bazinga!) because sometimes I need something which my husband has conveniently hidden away. Probably because I'm accident prone and it's dangerous. He wants me to be safe because he loves me or something. Or because he doesn't want me touching his stuff. I must have a dirty mind today because the sexual references keep popping up. I swear I'm not doing this on purpose. Penis.

Aaaaaany weiner, I found a girly tool kit so my husband wouldn't steal it.


I think he'd look cute carrying
this around!

I was excited to get it because 1) no touchy and 2) they're pink! Plus it comes with a hammer, screwdriver, level and a couple of other things. But when I got to the tape measure I got a little confused... who is this for? Look at it, it's tiny!


What is this, a tape measure for ants?
Zoolander reference anyone?

I don't know how you can do anything with a tape measure that small. I might be able to measure a dollhouse. Or a shoe. Luckily I bought a big girl tape measure before so I'm slightly prepared. So now I'm starting to do crafty things that I saw on Pinterest because that's what I do... start projects and usually never finish them. But if I ever finish anything... I'm buying cake. Because it's a good excuse for cake. Don't judge me.

My Cat Is Stalking Me

Or I guess I should say, she's following me for cat treats. She's turned into a junkie. I'm starting to get worried.

She's always watching

I came home from the store to find her watching me out the window. Cat's are creepy.

I blame my husband for the new craziness. He decided we didn't spoil the cat enough. Good job dear. Now she's a junkie just looking for her next fix. Next thing I know she'll be pawning my jewelery for a line of catnip. I'll have to start locking up the liquor and pills. She'll bring home some scruffy boyfriend named Jackknife who I won't be able to get rid of until she hops on the back of a tiny motorcycle and drives away. Heartbroken... I'm going to have an intervention. I think there's still time to help her before she goes too far.

Proof she's addicted

 

Sorry my voice is in the video. Not for any particular reason,

I just don't like it.

Some News is Weird

So I saw this headline today...
 
"Body parts found in auctioned Florida storage unit"

Umm... what? Thanks for creeping me out, CNN. And Florida? What's going on there?

I feel bad for whoever spent money on that storage unit hoping to find something good it in. Although, they may have found something good if they were hoping for body parts. If they were, they got lucky. Because who expects to find body parts in a storage unit? Besides the guy who owned it, obviously. Clean that shit out, dude. This would make for a good episode of CSI or something.

The weird thing is the guy that owned the storage unit used to do autopsies at a funeral home. Did people not notice limbs were missing or was he just really good at hiding it? Unless they were going to be cremated, in which case no one would notice anyway. Who would look at the ashes and say "I thought there would be more?" Nobody, that's who.

Either way the guy is creepy. All I know is, when I die I'd better not have parts taken off (or out) of me that I had when I died. I don't care if I'm dead, you can't cut off my arm or I will haunt you. I'll hide your keys and short sheet your bed and stuff. Don't mess with me... I'd be a scary ghost.

Internavvy

I’m not as Internet savvy (internavvy? Yup, I’m gonna call it that from now on) as I thought I was. Just yesterday I finally figured out how to put social networking icons on here. Do you see them? They’re on the upper right corner of my page.... I'll wait while you look. Seriously. I keep coming back to look at them and they’re not even the super cool kind. They’re just… regular. I did put a different one on my book blog, though. So, you know, there’s some progress anyway.

I used to think I had some internavvyness (I’m a word inventing genius!) but now I’m starting to doubt it. For work and my blog I try to keep up with what’s popular and test out different things (mainly social networks), but I feel out of touch at times. Is this how my parents feel? I remember getting frustrated with my dad because every time he tried to dial in (yes, I grew up with dial-up Internet and yes, it sucked) he thought the computer was broken. My sister and I used to have to coach him through every single time. This is how it usually went:

Dad: What is going on with this thing? Which one of you broke it?

Me: It’s not broken, Dad you have to connect it to dial-up first.

Dad: How do I do that?

Me: Click that icon (points)… same as every other time.

*Dad clicks once* You have to double click...

Dad: *Double clicks and dial-up sound begins* *Sighs* I hate this noise!

Me: I know, Dad. Everyone hates that noise.

Of course, this is a man that still can’t check his voicemail on his cell phone. I love you, Dad!

The "soothing" sounds of dial-up Internet

for those of us who remember it fondly (and by "fondly" I mean not at all)

I guess what I'm saying is, I can't let myself get out of touch. Especially with the Internet, the cyber-land that I love. I refuse to become that old lady that doesn't understand technology*.

*Note: I probably am going to become that old lady that doesn't understand technology

My Favorite Things: August

I haven't done one of these since, well, my first one. I'm doing one again because, I'm not sure if you knew this, there are SO MANY COOL THINGS on the internet!

The first thing is TeeFury. They have a different shirt for sale every day for $10. It also helps that the shirts have awesome designs, like the shirt I ordered and mentioned in a previous blog post.

Gimme my $10 shirts!

ThinkGeek is also an awesome place to buy stuff. I want so much stuff off of this site. Especially this DNA Pendant necklace I saw. It's pretty... I want. Also, they have Portal, Doctor Who, Star Trek, Star Wars, Firefly and bacon products. The only thing missing is that they're not in my house.

I'll take 1 of everything!

The last thing (for the moment) is The Lizzie Bennet Diaries (LBD). The LBD is a modernized adaptation of the classic Jane Austen novel, Pride and Prejudice. The story is told primarily through Lizzie‘s Video Diaries, while being supported by her and other characters social media streams.
The series was created by Hank Green (from Youtube channels Vlogbrothers and Crash Course... and also many other projects) and Bernie Su.

I love the characters, the wit and the retelling of a story I was too lazy to read for most of my life.

 The 1st episode of LBD

*Note: No one asked me to promote their stuff. Anything that has been mentioned is something I like and received no compensation for products/sites mentioned... even though I wouldn't say "no" if they offered me something cool (*hint).

My Fortune Cookie Is Making Me Paranoid

I got a fortune today that didn't bother me at first, but now that I've started to think about it I can't stop.

Don't screw with me, cookie. Tell me what you know!

Cookie: "Your lost possession will be found within the month"
Me: What? WTF! Did I lose something that I don't know about?
Cookie:....
Me: Don't screw with me, cookie!
Cookie:...
Me: Tell me what you know!

The cookie couldn't answer me because 1) I had broke it in half and killed it to get the fortune in the first place and 2) because it's a f*#king cookie. I'm not crazy here, guys...

But now I'm trying to remember if I lost anything that needed finding. I'm sure if I go looking though all of my stuff I'll find something I didn't remember I had. Does it still count as lost if you forgot you had it? Either way I hope it's something good.

Why Did I Just Say That?

Sometimes I don’t understand why my brain and mouth have such a hard time connecting to each other. It’s like they’re purposefully screwing with me.

I was on the phone at work today and when we were hanging up the woman said “goodbye” and for some reason my response was “you’re welcome.” WTF, brain. You’re welcome I’m getting off the phone. I put my forehead on my desk and all I could think was “why did I say that? What is wrong with me?”

"I can't even function correctly over the phone"

I’m not punishing myself for one slip up. I do this all the time. Last time I did that someone said “thank you” as we were hanging up and my reply was “thanks.” *Face palm* If it wasn’t so funny I’d go cry in the supply closet.

It’s even more fun when I do stuff like that in person. I can’t do anything but stand there awkwardly until I find an excuse to escape. And until I can escape I make it more awkward by trying to explain that my brain does this to confuse and humiliate me. Then they think I’m crazy because I’m personifying my brain. This all ends with my brain yelling “panic!” and I walk away as quickly as possible with my head down.

This is why I should not be allowed in public and strengthens my argument to my husband that I would make a good hermit. He thinks being a hermit is a bad thing, but what does he know? He still thinks I should be able to function normally in group settings... Ridiculous.

This Shit Just Got Real

I'm doing something I'm unsure of, which really shouldn't be a surprise to me. After thinking a bit about it ("a bit" for me is usually about 5 minutes, this time maybe 30- it's that important) I decided to buy a .com for my blog. So it's really weird for me to say that people can now read my ramblings by going to lolaloop.com. So yeah, that's a thing now.


Do you know what you're doing, maam?

Nope. I don't.

I may try to make some changes now too, to make the site look, you know, better. Good even, if I can give it enough time. But seeing as I've been blogging for over a year now, I thought I'd try it out. I know it's only been a year but that's a long time for me to keep up with something. The only things I've done longer has been to stay married and breathe and stuff.

I don't know why buying a domain name freaks me out so much. Maybe because it makes this more serious. It's like I got married to a domain name and I'm having a panic attack like I did when I got married for reals. I wasn't panicking during the wedding, just the morning of. Because that makes it better. Because I say so.

Updated
I'm also super psyched that the first picture I put up of myself is this one. My panic attack gave me bad judgement. Well, too late, I'm leaving it. Deal with it future me.

Book Bloggery and Stuff

I have a book blog too... just thought I'd throw that out there.


Clicky here for my other blog

So I'm not ignoring this blog I just started blogging more over there. Plus I don't really have anything witty to say at the moment. That is all. Oh God, my wit might be broken. Hold on...

Q: How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: It's a really obscure number, you've probably never heard of it.

OK, that was a joke. Crap. I have to get my wit fixed.

On another note, the other day I ordered an awesome shirt that I'm really excited about.

 

A mix of Doctor Who and Star Wars?

Take my money right meow!

My Writing Skills Are Lacking

Some things I can write semi-well... like my thoughts. It is writing actual literature is a lot harder, though I have a hard enough time expressing my thoughts most of the time, so when I try to write something else (i.e. serious) I'm terrible at it. Like, Twilight vampire bad.

And by that I don't mean that my writing fell in love with a human teenage girl. I say Twilight vampire bad as in: sometimes glittery, unintentionally funny (not in a good way), mostly ridiculous and occasionally will try to suck the life out of your body.

I'll keep at it though. Who knows, I could probably self publish something and then post it online for free because it wouldn't be worth squat. Maybe something to donate to charity. Hell, I don't know. I just don't ever want to compare my writing with Twilight again.

You Say "Feminist" Like It's A Bad Thing

My husband told me the other day that I'm a feminist. My reaction?

"Yup."

Standing up for women's rights or having strong opinions isn't a bad thing and anyone who disagrees needs a lesson in empathy... and a swift kick. Feminists worked hard to get women the right to vote, own property, etc. Women in the United States didn't have the right to vote until 1920! That's 144 years since the Declaration of Independance was signed. And now, considering the fact that a lot of men (even some women) in government want to reduce our reproductive rights... ridiculous.

I'm thankful to anyone, man or woman, who stands up for my rights and I'm thankful to those women  in the past who got me the rights I have today. Thanks, Ladies!

Rules Upon Death

I was watching the video of a Youtuber that I really like today and she had a video about what she wanted at her funeral for whenever it is that she dies.

She makes a good point about wanting her funeral to be a celebration of life rather than having everyone be sad about her death. I agree with that and because I won't be making a vlog (I write so no one can see me- I'm shy) so I'm writing it down. *By writing this I'm not planning on going anywhere anytime soon, but you never know what is going to happen to you. Just being prepared.*

1. Bouncy houses. There had better be at least one. They are fun and if you want to come to my funeral you had better comply... unless you are physically unable obviously. I'm not going to make someone really old or in a wheelchair bounce around in there. They could break something! Come on guys, I'm not heartless.

2. No flowers. They're pretty but they would fade and die and would be a sad reminder of the brief time we have. I would say balloons but I want to avoid pollution. I don't need to help kill the earth because I'm dead. So... maybe plant some flowers or trees instead? Obviously not on my grave though. I don't need to be squashed by tree roots, thanks. OK, and maybe balloons too.

3. No black or grey clothes. It looks too boring and sad. Happy colors, people!

4. Good food. Don't serve boring sandwiches. I love food so nothing boring or plain! Corn dogs are the exception. Corn dogs are delicious.

5. Dessert. Cake & ice cream- I love them.

6. No sad music. Seriously.

7. Funny stories must be told. They don't even have to involve me. I just want people to laugh. Make fun of me if you want, I won't care. If no one can come up with something funny I'll force everyone to listen to comedy tracks. Deal with it.

8. Bouncy houses. They're important, so don't forget.

9. Are rides too much to ask for? Maybe a petting zoo? Oh and balloon animals! This funeral is getting pricey.

My funeral is starting to sound more like a carnival. Can we have a funeral at a carnival? Plan A- carnival funeral, Plan B- regular happy funeral with bouncy houses.

Updated:
I forgot about the carnies; the only downside to a carnival funeral. Well, carnies and poop from the petting zoo. I wouldn't invite them (carnies... animals are obviously allowed) but they would have to be there to run the rides... so they're OK I guess. But no clowns... OK, clowns too as long as they can make balloon animals.

Happy Anniversary, Douchebag

Be married is awesome. And by "awesome" I mean it's as awesome as being stabbed in the face repeatedly by a monkey holding a toothpick. I mean, the monkey is stabbing me... I'm not being stabbed with a monkey. That would be both horrifying and adorable.

All I wanted to do was something, I didn't care if it was walking around in a nearby town, I just wanted to get out of the house. Anniversaries are once a year and I like to make them different. So what does he do as we're supposed to leave to go to a movie neither of us really wanted to see? He plays xbox. He claims all of his cloths were in the dryer (fact: he had pants in the bedroom that he decided just weren't good enough to wear- who has "emergency only" pants?) and it would make us late for the movie. After throwing pants at him (the not good enough ones) I got ticked and drove away. Because, you know, why not? THEN he says I'm wasting gas.

So we argue over texting and I come home to find him still on his xbox (I only went to the gas station so the wasting gas argument would be moot to a sane person). So we argue some more and I'm wrong about everything... again... and now he just took off to only God knows where.

Guys, please learn from this horrible example

He's probably going to read this someday so I'll put this next part on here for him:

You sir, are a dumbass. That's right, you read it correctly. I put up with so much from you and I hold my tongue 90% of the time to keep peace in the house, but someday you will do something that will make me snap and not allow me to stay quiet. You will evoke (invoke? I'm terrible at this) the wrath of Kahn... or, you know... Me.
Happy Anniversary, Asshole.

*Note: Sorry to anyone who reads this. I'm ranting and some of my anger spilled into my beloved internet. I'm sorry Interwebs, I still love you!

Update: Plotting my revenge. He complained I didn't get him anything (why would I? I still haven't gotten a birthday present from LAST. YEAR!) so he'll get his present (insert evil laugh here). I'll be sure to post an update when I get it, though it'll have to wait a little over a week until I get paid again. But it's coming...
________________________________________________
Updated Part II: Admittedly, I was a bit angry when I wrote this. I still occasionally agree with the first paragraph and I can't say that I disagree with anything I wrote. Truth is a bitch sometimes. And the truth is that marriage is hard. Duh, right? We have good and bad days. This, obviously, was a bad day. But I stay for the good days- of which there are many more than the bad. That's what lets you know that it's love- when you're willing to stay when the days are bad. And there will be bad days... but I cherish the good.